the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
