I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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