Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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