Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
