it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
