I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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