I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
