Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
