I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
