dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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