I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
