I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Vodka?
Forever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
