i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
