she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
