I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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