Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
