I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
