College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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