So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
