We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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