PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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