Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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