Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
