ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize