Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
