I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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