She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We are two peas in an std pod
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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