You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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