I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
