We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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