either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
