i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
