If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize