i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
