i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
4 words: hood of his car
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
