dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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