a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
