I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
