On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize