One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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