I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry about my life...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
