My cat gives me a boner
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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