I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
