I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
