We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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