So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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