Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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