we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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