Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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