508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
