His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
