I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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