Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
