I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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