I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
