You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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