I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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