Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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