Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
