You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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