I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
