If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
