I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
