As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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