He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
