im about as happy as oj after his trial
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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