this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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