I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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