Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
